It was there upon that same couch, 6 mornings prior, that I wrote out all the ways in which my heart was anxious. Anxious over the trip to Florida for the funeral of my Grandmother... "But there are innumerable little details over which my heart is anxious. Yet in worship, Lord, I wanted to name each one and offer it to You, with thanksgiving, for what You will do, in your power, your love, and your grace."
Waking her up at 5 am to leave- how she will react, how to calm her cries in the car.
All the flights and time in the air- they are so long! And what to do with her?
Fussiness on the plane, irritability, not being able to sleep because she is so tired
Naps & sleeping in Florida. Yet thank You for You have always provided on our trips with her sleeping at night.
Teething pain
And so it was there, this morning, as I glanced back over my heart's dark anxieties, that the tenderest light of His grace fell upon me. Out of the darkness burst forth light. He had met every single need: overwhelming me in his mercies. I had not eyes to see those mercies whilst in the thicket: I was caught in survival mode. But looking back, I can see...
I woke her at 5:10 and she made not a peep~ only sweet snuggles and cuddles upon my shoulder
Only a few cries were made in the car and these ceased with a warm bottle
Grace was evident in the airports~ how she delighted all types of people from Coast to Coast!
Such provision while in the air. Over 14 hours were spent flying, to Florida and back home from Florida, and overall, only an hour was spent in fussiness.
Provision of my brother's hep and leadership in all circumstances
The two incredible women seat companions on our return flight home. The moment Saren sat down next to us, Tirzah was in her lap playing with her hair and earrings and the next she was snuggled against her chest, sucking her thumb!
Her sleeping. Although hard moments were present, yet still He provided her with deep and restorative rest.
And isn't it always so, those moments of ebony black, so dark not a ray of hope lies within. But as I read this week from One Thousand Gifts and as I listened to my brother speak the Eulogy over my Grandmother's life, the light I had assumed was nowhere to be found, broke into that darkness.
"I awaken to the strange truth that all new life comes out of the dark places, and hasn't it always been? Out of the darkness, God spoke forth the teeming life. That wheat round and ripe across all theses fields, they swelled as hope embryos in womb of the black earth. Out of the dark, tender life unfurled. Out of my own inner pitch, six human beings emerged, new life, wet and fresh.
All new life labors out of the very bowels of darkness.
That fullest life itself dawns from nothing but Calvary darkness and tomb-cave black into the radiance of Easter morning." (Ann Voskamp)
His love and mercy overwhelmed this morn. Indeed our family has walked and is still walking through darkness, buried in black. Yet 'tis not a burial forever. A time to mourn, yes, and grieve, that too. But a time to hope as well. For His provision is perfect: even in the ebony black. His love is too great to leave us there, buried deep. Instead the dark gives way.
Life provided.
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