Life Changing

(So I began writing this last Wednesday night and am just finishing up tonight… hope you enjoy!)

Today was the last day at Bible Study Fellowship, and as is tradition for all BSF classes, the last day of every year is called Share Day.  Share Day provides opportunity for everyone who is willing, to stand and share what they have learned throughout the year.  It is a time of sweet fellowship, of singing, of praising the Lord for all He has done and for the wondrous ways He has worked.  It really is an amazing day.

I was so thankful I was able to go today.  We had sickness hit our home hard this past week with me having food poisoning… yeah, awful.  I haven't thrown up since the 8th grade and it has scarred me for the next ten years.  Daniel had to stay home from work on Monday, which he has NEVER done, for his tummy was quite upset as well, Tirzah has had tummy issues and this strange cold/ear infection/eye infection grossness that has just about finished up, and Thaddaeus, sweet baby, has just had a little bit of a cold.  But the Lord was gracious in the timing of our sickness.  I was first and only on Saturday, and you know, I have never been sick while Daniel has been away?  Well, not sick like that, and that is such a praise, for what in the world would I do?! And after 24 hours I was better, so then I could be ready to serve and nurse alongside Thad to bring the others back to health.  With all of us down and out over the weekend and into the week I thought it was a long shot that I would be able to participate today, but I was!  And I was so thankful.

In Tirzah's 4 year old class, her teachers created this time called "snack & share."  Each class within the children't program has a snack time and during that time teachers are to encourage the children to have conversation.  It's a training time for the children to learn appropriate courtesies while gathered together to share a meal with others.  Tirzah's teachers creatively called this time "snack & share" and it was a cute and simple way to remind the children that if they had a story or important thought to share (during Bible time or hymn time or another teaching time), they should hold that story and save it for the special snack and share time.  That thought really clicked with Tirzah and several times here at home we have smiled at one another and said to each other: Let's save that for "snack & share!" meaning, let's save that for when Daddy gets home and we are gathered around the table.

Well little did I know that today was going to be my day to "weep & share".  Yes, I was that woman.  That woman all shaking standing in front of everyone.  That woman with the voice that can't quite seem to settle down as she shares.  And yes, that woman who starts blubbering and can't get ahold of herself.  Agh!! It was me today!  Of course I waited until the last few minutes of the two-hour fellowship time to share, so that whole time my nerves were building and tightening in my throat.  And of course every time I thought a little about what I wanted to share the tears stung in my eyes.  So it was inevitable.  It was going to happen as soon as I stood up.  But the sweet thing?  It's really ok.  I do start breaking out into hot sweats as I remember that moment and visualize what I must have looked like standing there, face red and scrunched, tears streaming, and voice high-pitched.  But what I love is that it was with the sweetest company imaginable.  That there was no judgement as I stood there and wept in front of those 200 women.  Instead as I looked through tears I saw tears readily falling from the women listening and I received sweet smiles and 'thank yous' of encouragement.  And it's ok that 200 women now know that my nostrils flare and my lip turns down while I cry, for now 200 women know the reason why I did.

I shared a few thoughts upon the sweetness of the Lord that I have learned over this year: how his desire is to dwell among his people.  Ever since the creation of the World, that has been the yearning of his heart!  And all the plans and intricate details for the tabernacle were so that He could be at the center of the Israelites' lives.  And He wants the same now, to dwell among us, to dwell in us, to be at the center.

I shared of the sweetness of how he desires to make us whole.  Wholeness, it seems, has been a theme for me over the past year or so as I have been pursuing whole foods for my family and desiring wholeness as a family, etc.  And so when our teaching leader said that HOLY=WHOLE, I was blown away and completely grateful that wholeness is what God wants for me as well. What a gift.

I shared also that I was thankful for a purpose as a mother.  Moses charges the people "to love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength" (Deut. 6:5).  That is my purpose and my vision as a mother.  To train and teach my children how to love the Lord with their whole being.

And lastly, that which brought the tears, I shared about Thaddaeus.  Each and every Wednesday his teachers would tell the Bible lesson and then would hold up a picture of Jesus.  It is the absolute sweetest picture, one of Him cupping a young child's face with the tenderest of touches.  And they would say his name, Jesus, and have each infant, as he or she could, point to Jesus.  Well Thaddaeus is not a man of many words.  He is saying some, like 'Mama' and 'up' and 'help'.  So you must know what a shock it was to hear him one evening at dinner, say Jesus.  Daniel and I both stared and him and then at one another and then just laughed for we knew we had not been the ones to teach him that and oh what a miracle!  Thaddaeus can recognize Jesus and knows His name!

I know the amount of work that goes into preparing a lesson for these little ones, but to see the impact of the children's program upon my own family simply brought me to tears.  Our son knows his Savior's name.

And that is life changing.