Loving the Little Years

It's the weekend again.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed at the thought of the weekend without him; most times I feel thankful that yet another week has gone by.  Always, I look forward to our Sunday morning traditions in Olympia.  But Saturdays, Saturdays seem to be the harder day.  Always a tear or two to be shed from my wife's heart that longs for that of her husband.

And yet, this day, I have a hope and I have a peace and an excitement.  It could be because I have had two homemade lattes already this morn (Yes!  Homemade lattes!  I am borrowing a neighbors stove espresso maker and milk frother.  My mornings and even perhaps my life have just been changed!), it could be that it has been two weeks since I have talke with my husband and I am so hopeful for a call this day.  It is a higher probability that it is the espresso, but even so, it's a butterfly-type of day and who doesn't welcome and rejoice in these types of days?  It is grace, to feel like this, on Saturday #6 away from my Beloved.  Grace indeed.

So with this excitement and verve for life, I made a complete mess of our kitchen.  This morning we had an apple oven pancake: sweet baked apples topped with pancake mix and made in a pie pan.  Absolutely delicious (and then it was like a regular old Saturday morning of cartoons.  Both in our pajamas, Joy Bug and I reclined and watched video after video of Dada.  What a way to spend a morning together!).  I just made a second batch of Cinnamon Bread, the second loaf this week.  I have a heart and a fancy for afternoon tea.  Is it just me or does the thought of a cup of tea and a snack of freshly baked bread, cheese, nuts, and fruit sound absolutely out of this world?  I have wanted to for some time, begin this tradition with my daughter.  I just have to keep up with the fresh bread/treat to serve alongside of the tea!  So I baked one loaf at the beginning of this week, and we have had our little afternoon tea time together.  One loaf wen too quickly and the thought of this afternoon's tea time demanded that this Mama bake another.  The counters are covered with flour and I thought perhaps the oven needs to get a bit dirty as well, so I roasted some red peppers for the soup for the Sabbath tomorrow.  And I was going to make our own butter, but turns out it needs to rest at room temperature for 24 hours and then be refrigerated for another 24 hours before churning!  So, adventures with butter will be explained latter this week. . .

Amidst all the activity in the kitchen, my heart is set on bringing you into my new perspective, a new perspective of Mothering.  A perspective of acceptance and rejoicing.

This change was brought by the Lord through the gift of one dear friend, Mary, and her action of lending me her book Loving the Little Years written by Rachel Jankovic. If you are a Mama, I highly recommend reading, no BUYING this book to keep and re-read through the years.

It is so silly of me to have lived through her first year and a half with my previous perspective: that Motherhood is not a sacrifice.  No, maybe it wasn't that exactly, it was more like I wasn't going to give in to the sacrifice of Motherhood; I was going to fight against it instead.  How silly and ridiculous of me!  It has been the norm for me to get upset and frustrated and even bitter when "my" time was cut into by her lack of sleep.  It has been me with my feathers all ruffled when she doesn't follow the exact same routine day to day.  It has been me complaining that I don't have the energy to mother, when really I do, but I would just rather spend that energy on myself.  So silly and so selfish!

In reading this book, my eyes have indeed been open.  Motherhood is a sacrifice and that is good and that is ok and that is the way it is supposed to be.  I need not be afraid of that sacrifice, for there is always the perfect amount of grace.  I can enter into that sacrifice, this day, this month, even this year, for this is the work the Lord has given me for this season of my life.  When I view Motherhood, at least for me, as a sacrifice, I am prepared for it to be hard and absolutely demanding.  I am prepared to give all of myself.  But rather when I looked at it, or decided to look at it like it wasn't a sacrifice, I was upset when I had to give and I was offended when it wasn't easy and I didn't give my all when it was demanding.  Instead I feared and I fought.  To look at it straight on and to say yes, this is going to take all of me and yes this is going to take faith and yes this is going to be a sacrifice of all that is mine, and then to take a step, that is faith.  And it is much like this season of deployment that our family faces daily for these next 8 months.  Yes this is going to absolutely the hardest thing that we have ever done.  And yes it is going to take all of my strength.  But instead of fighting against it and choosing to complain, I am going to accept it and rejoice in it.

May I just share a few quotes with you from this book that touched my heart and which have challenged my mind?

Ecclesiastes 5:19

"Everyone to whom God has given wealth, and possessions, and the power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil- this is the gift of God.  For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart."

To accept this lot: being a mother this day, and being a Soldier's wife, this day, and to rejoice.  For when Tirzah is grown and is a woman on her own, I will not much remember the hard work of this day.  And when my husband is home and I am once again found in his arms, I will not much remember this day of loneliness and gritting my teeth.

 Tirzah and her reckless love of quinoa!

"You cannot know the depth of His plan for your fruit.  So throw it out there on the ground when you have no plan for its future.  Waste it.  Waste homemade pasta (and the mess it makes) on your family.  Don't save cloth napkins for company only. . .  Be bountiful with your fruit and free with it.  The only thing that you can know for certain si that God will use it." (pg. 34)

 I LOVE that idea!  Recklessly loving.  "Wasting".  Wasting myself, my love, my energy, my thoughts, my everything, on my husband (which I am having a hard time discerning how to do that with him away), and my daughter.  Does that make anyone else excited, or just me?  To waste and to not care about the outcomes of your wasting, but to just know that it will bless them to be loved so recklessly.

"Scars and stretch marks and muffin tops are all part of your kingdom work.  One of the greatest testimonies Christian women can have in our world today is the testimony of joyfully giving your body to another. . . So realize that your body is a testimony to the world of God's design.  Carry the extra weight joyfully until you can lose it joyfully.  Carry the scars joyfully as you carry th fruit of them.  Do not resent the damages that your children left on your body." (pg. 60).

I love that she said muffin tops and I love that idea.  It is a testimony to a body being broken for another's life.  And there it is again, a sacrifice, your everything.  Amen

"Whenever this happens, this ambiguous restlessness in the house, I try to think of it as a growth spurt.  It is like all my children have a growth spurt at the same time and develop new needs.  This is only a problem when mom doesn't have a growth spurt herself.  It's even more of a problem when Mom refuses to have one, and demands that everyone else get back into clothes that are too tight. . . What that should tell you is that it is time to restart the whole thing, stop screaming, and just deal with the fact that this is now the new "one."   Start over, and accept the new "normal."" (pg. 72-73).

That was so me!  I was the Mom refusing to grow alongside of my daughter.  "Why aren't you sleeping like you did yesterday?!?"  Because she has new needs today.  I am so thankful for the author putting it so clear!  Just deal with it and accept the new normal!  Thank you!

And lastly, I appreciate the challenge to pray for grace daily, momentarily, to be a mother.  I appreciate and accept the challenge to meet the sacrifice of Motherhood with joy and in faith.

Thank you for letting me share my heart with you this day!

A happy and blessed weekend to you and yours.